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The Perfect Marriage

March 3rd 2009 21:01



What is a “pefect marriage”? It’s a pretty good question. According to an article in The Telegraph, UK, website www.confetti.co.uk think they have have come up with the answer.

The secret, they say, is a two year age gap, four kisses a day and sex three times a week.

After polling more than 3,000 married adults, researchers found that secrets of a long-lasting marriage also involved sharing two hobbies, having three cuddles every 24 hours, saying a least one ‘ I love you” a day and enjoying two romantic meals a month.


Husbands and wives who stay together for the the long haul, researchers say, have usually met through friends and tied the knot after three and a half years together.

Researchers acknowledge that couples generally get married at an older age these days than they have in previous generations and because of this it is important to keep some independence and nights out separately with friends.

Even so, two surprise weekends aways every year and at least one annual foreign holiday together helps make a marriage strong, they say.

Anyone got any other advice?


Source: www.telegraph.co.uk


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Comment by Chris Champion

March 3rd 2009 21:48


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Here's my advice to men: learn to cook, learn to enjoy cooking (which makes it sustainable), and then cook the evening meal often. You will be a star.

I don't know about the age gap. My sister is 10 years older than her husband. They've been together 11 years and have a son and are two of the happier people I know.

Only four kisses and three cuddles a day? I prefer four kisses and three cuddles an hour. My wife and I hold hands watching the TV! I don't know why, it just happens. Do we need counselling?

Two surprise weekends a year sounds good advice, but I've stopped travelling overseas because these days a two-week holiday can be spent entirely standing in airport security queues.

Sex three times a week? There are any number of studies which show that this just doesn't happen in long-term relationships. Unless, of course, the sex isn't with your spouse.

Comment by RubySoho

March 3rd 2009 23:26


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AT least one 'I love you' a day? How exhausting.

Comment by Teresa Ralton

March 4th 2009 00:04


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Yes, Chris, that is excellent advice - Learn to cook! You will get an appreciation of the amount of time and effort that is actually involved in getting a decent meal together. But this post has just made me feel very depressed - or something like that!

Comment by Mrs M

March 4th 2009 01:46


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A family friend wrote this is the guest book on the day Mr M and I were married and it simply said "LESS FIGHTS, MORE LOVE".

And that's generally the motto we follow and we've been married 10 years this year.

Love & stuff
Mrs M

Comment by Spike 2

March 4th 2009 02:30


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My advice: make sure your bank account always has enough money in it for one more pair of shoes of your lady's choice.

Comment by The Rusty Can

March 4th 2009 03:03


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The best relationships I've come across are ones where the couples communicate - they're like best friends who happen to be hot for each other.

Comment by Johnny Come Lately

March 4th 2009 06:16


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Marry your best friend because in the end that's the most important thing as passions fade.

Comment by Janet Collins

March 4th 2009 07:49


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Chris

Loved it all but I especially liked the "learn to cook" tip. Sounds great to me.

Comment by Janet Collins

March 4th 2009 07:50


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Ruby

I actually think that this doesn't often need to be said. After all, actions speak louder than words..don't they say that!

Comment by Janet Collins

March 4th 2009 07:52


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Teresa

I loved Chris' tip too but why did my post make you feel depressed?

Comment by Janet Collins

March 4th 2009 07:53


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Rusty

Yes, friendship AND heat.....what a combination!

Comment by Janet Collins

March 4th 2009 07:55


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Hey Mrs M

What a great motto it is too.

Comment by Janet Collins

March 4th 2009 07:56


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Spike

What fantastic advice to all your male mates. I love it. Even beats learning to cook.

Comment by Janet Collins

March 4th 2009 07:59


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Johnny

Good advice and as in Rusty's comment hopefully you have the hots for each other too.

Comment by Janet Collins

March 4th 2009 08:02


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Anon

Thanks for dropping by. I'll take a look at the site. Thanks.

Comment by Lola Tahlulah

March 4th 2009 12:50


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My only worry would be that some couples read these "secrets" and try to follow them to the letter, hence setting a blueprint for what should be natural, and dooming themselves to failure.

Or, maybe I'm just bitter because I am alone

Comment by Janet Collins

March 4th 2009 12:59


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Lola

It is a bit "formularised" isn't it? Yet, some things work in some relationships and others work in others. You are right because you can never put all these experiences in one box.

It's good to get everyone's different thoughts on the subject though!

Thanks for dropping by.

Comment by Teresa

March 4th 2009 13:08
Janet
Just picturing those happy couples! My own marriage was a long slow spiral down to an almost complete absence of communication. But...moving on, because I've already spent too much time thinking about it.... I'm curious about a comment Chris made. Is sex 3 times a week a lot?

Comment by Teresa Ralton

March 4th 2009 13:11


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Yes, its the same Teresa. I have asked to change my tag back to my former alias and I just realized, googling my own name, that my comments on posts are appearing. Not good.

Comment by Janet Collins

March 4th 2009 13:25


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Teresa

Maybe Chris should answer that.

Comment by sam sall

March 4th 2009 17:21


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Hi,
I believe that these acts and deeds mentioned in this Telegraph article are things that couples with good communication usually do so what counts is to show your partner that she/he is loved and appreciated ...because most of the times when things get messy ,people get busy in proofing that he or she is right and forgetting that they are fighting with their significant other, not the enemy

Comment by Janet Collins

March 4th 2009 21:14


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Sam

forgetting that they are fighting with their significant other, not the enemy

Significant is so right and should be reinforced. Mrs M's motto would be a good thing to remember on these occasions.

Thanks for the visit.

Comment by Mr Nice Guy

March 4th 2009 22:42


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You really just have to find that person that is on the same page as you in life. If you can laugh at the same things, enjoy each other's company - and appreciate that your significant other half is wonderful for who they are - then even the sun and shade can co-exist.

I loathe studies which come to 'perfect conclusions' and concoct answers or solutions to life's little mysteries . . . test tube methodology . . . because grey is sooooooo interesting huh.

Nice little post

Comment by alt_ed

March 5th 2009 01:43


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-ahem- No mention of successful same-sex marriages?

Well, I consider my partner and I to be married. We have a house (and mortgage), two cars, a dog, joint banking... gosh, what more is there lol

Comment by Dianna G

March 5th 2009 02:20


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The perfect marriage is definitely not for me... I wouldn't want to have to remind someone I loved them all the time.

Comment by Anonymous

March 5th 2009 03:46
Yes, I have one suggestion: divorce.

Oh, I'm just so clever.

Comment by Janet Collins

March 5th 2009 07:00


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MNG

Thanks for your insight. The humour factor is a really good one and havng a similar sense of humour, I think, has to be a very imporant thing in a relationship.




Comment by Janet Collins

March 5th 2009 07:05


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Alt_ed

I wasn't excluding same sex relationships it's just that the post was about a survey that was conducted on married adults.

Your own relationship is obviously a committed one. The mortgaged and joint bank accounts prove that (not that you really have to).

Thanks for droppng by and sharing.

Comment by Janet Collins

March 5th 2009 07:07


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Dianna G

A lot of people would agree with you. Sometimes these things just don't need to be said.

Thank you for dropping by.

Comment by alt_ed

March 5th 2009 07:08


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Oh hahaha Janet, I was just being sarcastic... Having a little 'dig' at the researchers, not you

Comment by Janet Collins

March 5th 2009 07:10


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Peter

Nice to see you around again and thank you for dropping by.

Comment by Janet Collins

March 5th 2009 07:11


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Alt_ed

I kinda gathered that.

Take it easy.

Comment by Tracy

March 5th 2009 20:46


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Hi Janet

That's an interesting article but I don't think you can have a formula for all marriages. We're all individuals who need different things.

I like this bit:

Even so, two surprise weekends aways every year and at least one annual foreign holiday together helps make a marriage strong, they say.

I wouldn't say no to that!!


Comment by Teresa

March 5th 2009 21:16
That bit has been really bugging me! Who the hell can afford a foreign holiday once a year? Only 1 or 2 people of my acquaintance, that's for sure. I guess Bali is cheap but it is still out of the reach of most working class families. Sorry Janet - not that this thing is your opinion you are only reporting it - but now I'm reading this again it sounds like it's written for middle class couples. Childless middle class couples who have planned every year of their lives together with military precision. Couples who never fight because they know they have to say things like "I acknowledge your feelings about ..." and the anger is deflected. Agreeable but strangely passionless.

Comment by Teresa

March 5th 2009 21:41
Sorry about that Janet. I kept trying to send because a 'link broken' thing appeared. I will try to remember how to modify these - right now - but you will have to delete SORRRY

Comment by Cibbuano

March 5th 2009 23:13


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I think a lot of it has to do with transparency and security. Both parties have to accept the fact that, as they age, things will change... hopefully, though, you'll change together, and in the same direction.

Comment by sugarlocks

March 6th 2009 03:11
A perfect marriage --- what a bliss!!

But for many..its just like a dangled carrot every time they contemplate getting into a relationship ---ever so near yet never getting to have it. Its not surprising that this subject continuous to attract attention (mine included..hahaha!). But trying to follow the things mentioned, I think, is just too rigid.
Maybe..its best to start and keep lookiong for the 'other's' best interest...

But men who cook and love to serve their women?WHERE ARE YOU GUYS???

Comment by Janet Collins

March 7th 2009 01:35


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Hey Tracy,

I don't mind their formula when it comes to holidays either. Sounds like a perfect thing for the perfect marriage really.

Comment by Janet Collins

March 7th 2009 01:39


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Teresa

Don't forget - the article was from the UK. To them overseas is a hop, step and a jump away - even a drive through a tunnel. It's just like me having a drive from Sydney to the Gold Coast.

And plenty of places are probably cheaper than hanging around in somewhere like London.

Comment by Teresa

March 7th 2009 01:41
How true!

Comment by Janet Collins

March 7th 2009 01:41


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Cibbuano

That's a pretty important point - changing in the same direction. Sometimes it's very clear why some marriages end - simply because one has tried to keep in the same ...forever.

Comment by Janet Collins

March 7th 2009 01:44


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sugarlocks

Putting the other person first.....yes, very good idea....if we can stick to it.

Thanks for the visit and take care.

Comment by Lilla

March 7th 2009 05:39


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Janet,

For me, the BIG CLUE here is *sharing a few hobbies* especially if you both work.

Its nice if one of those hobbies is a mutual interest in the kids too..

Without mutual interests marraige is doomed, I shoudl know I have been married for 20 years..

Lilla ..

Comment by Janet Collins

March 8th 2009 10:32


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Lilla

Sharing a few hobbies is a really good tip. Many of my friends have hobbies or interests they have with other friends but ensure they have one at least, or do something involving some type of leisure regularly, with their partners.

Congratulations on reaching the 20th anniversary by the way. How many people get to that?

Comment by Morgan Bell

March 8th 2009 17:23


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the perfect marriage, i guess the clue is in the question, does it need to be long-lasting to be perfect?

or does it need to be constant 100% joy/bliss to be perfect?

how many people trade happiness for longevity?

i think if you had two graphs, one with marriage longevity, and one with a percentage of shared time classified as "happy" you would probably find that few couples would rate highly on both

i think if you want to go for both "long" and "happy" the people in the relationship need to maintain their independence and external friendships and interests etc, that way the time they spend together is actually interesting and they still learn things from each other

otherwise youre just going to end up that miserable pair of oldies that are cut off from the outside world and spend every day bickering over the tv volume and glaring at each other

Comment by Janet Collins

March 8th 2009 22:22


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otherwise youre just going to end up that miserable pair of oldies that are cut off from the outside world and spend every day bickering over the tv volume and glaring at each other

Good points, Morgan, for avoiding - or at least minimising - life becoming just like this.

Thanks.

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