Janet Collins
Billy MIs Having Sex Online Cheating?
November 30th 2008 11:02
Avatars Grace and Tom kick back at the beach
The UK’s News of the World had a great article this weekend on sex in the virtual world. The article: Online Sex – Is It Cheating? travels into the virtual world of Second Life where people meet each other and create a fantasy life and a fantasy world basically with little or no boundaries. Sex is definitely on limits.
It’s a good question really. I mean you could probably get away with doing so much online that would never be given a second thought. If I joined Second Life I would be entering a world of a three-dimensional, technicolour chat room where I could create my own character, or avatar. I can get a job, buy a home, have a relationship and even children. It is a cyber world where I can move around, meet and interact with other characters. Sound liberating? It sounds like a lot of fun – until things start getting complicated.
The News of the World article explores three different relationships formed in Second Life. The first is through the eyes of 28 year old Amy Taylor who caught her 40-year-old husband having virtual sex with an American woman whose persona was that of a prostitute. Amy is now divorcing him.
The second was female writer Mandy Appleyard who took up the persona of Grace and after a few attempts at her appearance, created a tall, slim, long-haired Lara Croft lookalike. In Second Life she met Tom from Belgium. On line they laughed together, went skiing, shopping, climbed a mountain and went salsa dancing. Grace was single. Tom was in a serious 18 year long relationship.
After a heady six week virtual relationship they met in person and Tom broke off his long term relationship. Plans were being made for Tom to move to England but 10 months later Grace ended the relationship.
The third story has a happier ending but not for all concerned. Thirty-four year old Kristen Birkin had been in a 10 year relationship when she joined Second Life to boost her self esteem. Creating the sexy and super-confident Kira, Kristen met 48 year old Steve, then in a 25 year long relationship.
Kira fell quickly for Steve’s Second Lifer persona, Nik, and after four months of spending six hours a day online, walking together, dancing and getting engaged, both left their partners and moved in together. They now have one child and another one the way.
Steve’s former partner Susan was devasted and has had difficulty coming to terms with it.
Relationship expert, Dr Linda Papadopoulos, says “Online love affairs are worse than a one-night stand. As it isn’t based on anything physical, people invest emotionally in the relationship – and this can feel far more deceitful”.
You can read the full article at:
Really Long Link
What do you think? Is having sex online cheating?
Image courtesy of News of the World Magazine
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Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
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Comment by Neems
Koala Lounge
Truth Whisperer
And more often than not, when it's purely mental- it's often more intense as you shed so many of your inhibitions.
It's all quite intriguing though- imagine living a world that's only so real in your head!
Comment by Janet Collins
The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
I agree with you. When reality kicks in it's all rather self-destructive as well as deceitful.
Thanks for the comment.
Comment by Janet Collins
The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
Yes, while this fantasy world is dishonest it's also so intriguing - I agree. That is probably what draws so many people to it.
I don't think I mentiond that there ae 15 million users of Second Life - quite a phenomenon!
Thanks for dropping by and commenting.
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
i can see how it would cause relationship problems if one partner is spending a huge amount of time online and ignoring the other, but id put it in the same basket as obsessive hobbies (eg cars, animals, collecting), or sports, or hanging out at the pub too much
its not cheating its just time spent away from your partner
Comment by Janet Collins
The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
Good to hear another point of view. I could go with that too, although I don't know how I would handle it if a partner was in there.
Thanks for the comment.
Comment by colocountry
Col
Comment by Janet Collins
The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
True but the examples I have given are not Generation Z's. They are actually people in or moving towards middle age. What seems to start out as a fun fantasy can turn quickly when reality kicks in.
Thanks for the comment.
Comment by Chris Champion
moneywhither
Vyoos
Zoomies
Bloggercises
NewlyOld
The Blog of Lists
If I got involved in an on-line relationship, it would feel like cheating. Perhaps the proof is this: would I be inclined to tell my real-life partner all about it? Certainly not. The emotional energy invested in a serious on-line affair must detract from real-life relationships. I can't see any ifs or buts here: cheating.
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
Yep, one more for cheating ... but only if you are tripping about the palce together skiing and what not.
I dont count talking to bloggers here in the orbubble as cheating, even though I have a joke with maleorblers here and there, even though it can take up so much of my time.
I guess there are degrees in everything and you would have to ask what drove your partner into it in the first place; was it a necessity, or just because its too easy?
Is there something fundamentaly wrong with the institution of marraiage for humanids, as has been suggested. Is a tribal way of patnering better. Does love last a lifetime, or life last a lovetime?
This is such an interesting question.
Lilla ...
Comment by Janet Collins
The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
Yes, I am sure much of it could be lots of fun but the online sex thing? Could just get a bit too weird and complicated. And I'm sure if I discovered a partner doing it, I would certainly feel cheated.
Thanks for dropping in.
Comment by Neems
Koala Lounge
Truth Whisperer
What's that saying about how they perceive the way their life is in real life? For some it may be for some fun, but there could be those who seek to escape from mental issues by immersing themselves in a world where they don't have to deal with their own real life woes.
Morgan- I can see how it could be seen as not cheating- but if it's online sex with someone else? Hmm I dunno...if my partner was doing that I'd be gutted!
PS: Terrific post Janet!
Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Yes I have to agree with those who are on the cheating sidelines.
Relationships are so much more than just the physical side and I have to agree with the relationship expert.
Instead of being online with someone in a virtual fantasy land why aren`t they investing that time in their real world relationship? Something is definitely wrong if they want to spend more time with their virtual partner than they do their partner in reality.
Ash
Comment by colocountry
I'm miffed that our collective mentality hasn't recognised the possibilities afforded by a stable relationship. I've been married for 33 years and am fascinated by the subtle changes that are to be found in a relationship, despite menapausal imperatives. True love is abiding and accomodating..it is attentive to the needs of ones partner and is selfless rather than selfish. Perhaps thats where we are at odds with Gen X and Z. Perhaps there will be a collective epiphany that has partners growing richly older together with eachother.
Col
Comment by Janet Collins
The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
Thanks for visiting.
Comment by Janet Collins
The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
I am really not sure if the 15 million users are users over the whole period since Second Life began - I probably think so.
On one level I can see having a fantasy life is just like being an actor when you visit the site and become someone else. Some people even become someone else entirely when they are at their jobs.
So I can understand the fun element in becoming someone else. It could almost be like a adults dress up game. Then I have to admit that there are serious risks also.
Thanks again for your thoughts.
Col
I am sure there are still plenty of couples around who are quite happy with real marriages and the thought of growing old together.
Take care.
Comment by Natalie 2
My Life My Muse
Beta Girl Blog
I have a friend whose marriage ended after she discovered that her husband had an online relationship.
Although the two never met face to face, it was an affair of the heart, and emotional affair, which is the worst kind of all.
A one night stand would be horrible, but it is possible to recover as there may have been no feelings involved.
When someone you are committed to is involved with another person on an emotional level, it is even more difficult to swallow.
I am an advocate for honesty amongst partners. If one or the other or both feel tempted into looking elsewhere for a connection, it is usually a sign that all is not well in their current situation. As soon as a person begins to have a wandering eye, they should address it immediately, rather than resorting to sneakiness and dishonesty.
That ALWAYS ends badly. Unless you're swingers. That's a different story altogether!
Comment by Janet Collins
The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
I totally agree with your comments on emotional involvement.
Thanks for dropping by.
Janet