Janet Collins
Billy MFrom Pro Conversationalist to Amateur Author, Boy Critic takes Orble by Storm !
March 4th 2007 11:46
That's the headline I hope to see one day. Not on my blog, or on any blog for that matter ! Preferably in a magazine, sporting a lovely little photo of me in a beret. Alas, it is a fantasy that may never come to realization...
But I'm past the phase of self-pity. Really, I am. I have spent years and years perfecting the gentle art of conversation; of listening to words and responding appropriately. But now, I am met with another hurdle. The steep, treacherous slopes of Mt. Creative Writing.
Doesn't anyone have tips for a struggling writer? My page presence is like unset jelly, and my various, unpolished descriptions are so generic ! Please help me !
Signed, Anonymous (Anthony "Mr. Social" Critic, 123 Writer's Lane, Orble.)
But I'm past the phase of self-pity. Really, I am. I have spent years and years perfecting the gentle art of conversation; of listening to words and responding appropriately. But now, I am met with another hurdle. The steep, treacherous slopes of Mt. Creative Writing.
Doesn't anyone have tips for a struggling writer? My page presence is like unset jelly, and my various, unpolished descriptions are so generic ! Please help me !
Signed, Anonymous (Anthony "Mr. Social" Critic, 123 Writer's Lane, Orble.)
The Critic of 2006 - Master of Conversation (3rd Dan)
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Comment by David
Write with the Senses. (Include sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch). Every sentence you write? Think about what you see, what you hear, what you smell, what the feel of it is, and what the taste of it is ... Every single sentence ...Don't just paint pictures with words, paint odours ... paint sounds ... paint the feel of touching a woman .... paint the feel of running your fingertips over every square inch of her body ... (plus some ... paint the feel of running your fingertips inside her wet pink interior ...
Write Actively not Passively. Don't write 'a car is being pushed down a road by a man.' ... Write ... Anthony B pushes a car... etc ... [this one really bores me ... active writing is pretty self-explanatory ... ]
Use Active Verbs ...
Increase Your Vocabulary so you use the 'right' word ... Don't write 'he walked sort of slowly with a bit of a waddle' ... Write 'He sauntered' ...
Be Specific. (Don't write 'car' write 'Metallic blue, 1962 Ford Falcon XP station wagon). Don't write street ... name the bloody street ... Flinders Street, in the Melbourne CBD opposite Y&J ... etc ...
Ask Questions. Who? What? Where? When? Why? How? (about every single sentence you write). The more you use questions? ... The more interested the reader is ...
Give the reader something to do ... Don't bloody explain everything to them ... Real readers want to exercise their brain when they're reading ... Only morons like 99% of Bloggers (you excluded btw) don't .... Real readers don't want to read banal piffle ...
Touch in detail. Don't overdo it. Dickens is dead. Dickens? He spent three pages describing the interior of a house ... Just write ... 'Spec home' ... the reader will understand we're in a home that is tacky and has a full-on plastic interior ...
Don't use cliches. If you've seen it in print, don't use it. Stretch your mind and come up with a new way of writing it.
There's a lot of other Writing Craft Rules ... but it's late and I'm tired of life ... So that's it ....
Comment by AnthonyB
I tried to give the feeling that maybe he didn't love her, that what he did was more a ritual than an act of love. Thanks for the tips though. I was already aware of everything you mentioned, but the emphasis you applied made a difference. If you can execute each line of descriptive writing perfectly, then you have the basis for a perfect story and that is what people can't be bothered telling you. The sort of stuff you learn from experience.
Like you said, asking questions about every line you write will help get rid of useless dependent clauses. That was a massive tip, I loved it !
Thanks for everything, bro. It's good to hear from someone who's actually written something.
Much appreciated;
- Anthony
Comment by Ahmed
techy.Bytes
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Qwerk
Cinema Three
Then when you're done, and can't take anymore, keep going to the point you know there isn't anything left you haven't read (that makes sense).
Then, after all that, forget everything you read, and start writing.
Writing is something you learn passively, you can't read about how to write, you can't just take out a book written by some dead 'writer' who failed writing before he started and take his advice on everything.
Comment by David
I wouldn't take any notice of a scrap of what Ahmed has to write on the subject of creative writing, until he has at least one feature-film credit to his name, another under option, Film & TV script editing credits, a stage play produced and is a published novelist, poet and journalist...
Especially what he writes in relation to me because he doesn't know what he's raving on about ... He doesn't even know my real name ... He knows diddly-squat about me (about as much as he does about the craft of writing? ...
Writing is a craft, and those who refuse to learn the craft? ... Or learn anything, because they think they already know everything? They end up as Bloggers only ... without real publishing and real film production credits to their name ...
Ahmed exhibits all the sentiments of one hell of a jealous, bitter and angry amateur, wanna-be published writer to me ...
David ...
Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Thompson, for one. Marquez, Kerouac? I think I missed my chance to be really eccentric...
Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
I read something Thompson wrote when he was 12. Even back then, he had a compelling mastery of the language and a descriptive fever that make my own writing, now, as an adult, look weak and feeble.
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
I have a piece of paper that says I'm a Master at writing, but in the real world? I feel like an ant sometimes, amongst giants... it can be daunting, but I have pushed onwards and written many published works, creative and factual and some even mystical.
Everything David said above is 100% and really useful, pinned to the wall in front of you, when you are writing...
I have created two posts on Creative Non-Fiction that may help on An Ordinary Life. (Link Provided).. the literary devices used to write are the same as fiction.
...and if you can get it, there is a really good book that teaches what David has said by practical example, called Tell It Slant by Brenda Miller and Suzanne Paula. ISBN 0-07-251278-4 - if you have to have a book, then I would say this is a good one.
My only other advice would be to take your time. The slower you write the better... give your mind time to search the inner scene for those lovely details that David talks about...
As for conversation, you have mastered it well,
Happy writing my friend,
Lilla ...
Comment by AnthonyB
I thought this was meant to be about me... hahaha, nah, you guys can have it out here. That's why I created this blog - for people to settle differences by...verbal ? onslaught.
Ahmed, I think reading is a fantastic tip. I tire of it quickly though, and I'm certain that's not how to learn to write creativity. Thank you though. I know many people who spend most of their lives immersed in dictionaries and novels, yet I still write better than they do. And I'm pretty ordinary to say the least. That dig at Davo was a bit harsh though man. You owe him a massive apology. He's not a dead writer, he's just living a carefree life. Not without passion or drive - far from it. Just a life that he's happy living and I think there's a lot to be said for that.
David, I truly revere your tips and advice. Not because you're a novellist, but because you have a unique page presence and hyperactive sex drive.
Cheers mate,
Anthony
Comment by AnthonyB
I must check that guy out !! Thanks heaps for the insider info !! I really need a decent writer - to have something to aspire to, ya know? Cheers mate !!
Lilla;
As we speak, I'm checking out your posts ! A Master of writing, hey? I have always admired your prose. It's so finished, forthright and easy to read. It seems as though you write it as it comes - which is a very difficult thing to do. You need an extraordinary vocabulary and confidence with language to write consistently like that. Awesome stuff.
Thank you for your tips, Lilla. I must buy that book !!
- Anthony
Comment by Ahmed
techy.Bytes
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Qwerk
Cinema Three
Yeah, another day in my relatively interesting and odd life, I wasn't taking shots at anyone, just generalizing at X generic failed writer.
However since you don't seem to mind using your blog as a battleground I'm going to humor myself
Wow, and Steven Spielberg is an under achiever.
Maybe you should look at my creds, you know writing is all well and good, it's very powerful, but in your little industry it's all 'why I am' or 'why I will', basically revolving around that, in my world it's all ifs buts ands and ins, it's computer code. I know you might think the relationship doesn't exist, but it does.
When you write code you're working with the computer, do it realy well and the computer does what you want really nicely, do your job bad and the computer will just spit three hundred errors in your face. Unlike what you would call 'writing' I don't have the luxury of saying 'why I am such and such' in a poorly phrased text with bad punctuation and grammar, not that what is written is any good making it worth reading, simply hyping oneself up. No, I have to tell the computer what it is, and i hve to do it nicely and neatly, and i have to spent hours on it just working through line by line through so many classes as the whole structure becomes so elaborate that it ends up more twisted than a Sherlock Holmes crime.
Of course a crime isn't as such unless something wrong happens, thats when you try to compile your code and you find it isn't working, you look at the errors the compiler is throwing at you and you find most of it is impossible to understand, so you go to the top of the code, you go through the different classes in their various hierarchies.
The classes in the code are like characters, they each have their own purpouse and if you, the writer has done his job well they each are their own and are wonderful, they have their character and they do what you want them. Of course like characters from a novel they interact with each other, their are parent classes and child classes their are classes that inerhet functions and classes that keep private functions, theres object encapsulation and abstractions one has to deal with.
Unlike writing a novel the classes (i.e. the characters) cannot have any ambiguities or inconsistencies because it often ends the program in a screeching halt. So put simply theres no room for plot holes. Of course unlike writing a novel you are not bound to anything, you can write shit and just look at yourself like you're a hero, you can ignore the critics, you have that luxury because theres no official rules saying what you can and can't do. With computers they are just logical, no room for plot holes or mistakes, no room to let the criticism of critics roll off your back, if it doesn't work, if the plot is crap, then it is crap, no matter how you look at it.
Seriously, if writers were like programmers you wouldn't have crap novels, or crap writers with their crummy 'why I am such and such' blog posts, we'd have near perfection in writing, amazing creativity. Writing would no longer be ravaged under the guise of it being a 'craft', writing will become a work of engineering, it will be precise and logical, it will be entertaining and complex, it will be like the greatest novel ever written over and over again. As it stands, there is no good or bad craft, people like you are free to write terribly and get kudos for it.
Thats why programmers spend 90% of their times making the program work and work efficiently, they don't have those luxuries. Imagine re-reading page 8 50 times then re-reading pages 10 through 132 looking for why page 8 isn't working with the rest of the novel. Thats how it is.
Of course after the damn thing is 'working' you have to make sure it's working, no use you thinking it's working because the damn thing is running, you have to know it's doing what it's supposed to.
Enter the reading phase as you throw everything you can at the program, to this day I haven't encountered a single case of a first time fully working successful program compilation, if the code is longer than 100 lines it isn't going to work the first time round the way you want. So imagine now, repeatedly testing your text for any and all weaknesses, imagine that takes 30% of your whole time, and 50% is actually repairing those broken parts.
So yeah, sorry I don't have such and such credit, all I can guarantee to you is that if I ever write a novel it won't be 'why i am such and such', it will be something that makes sense that people will enjoy reading not because of who I am as a person but because what the characters that turn my story alive are as characters. You're quick to give out advice but you're the first to surrender to the 'guy licks womans clit' escape when you hit a stumbling block.
Oh come on, if you were so smart you'd be better than that. I wasn't referring to you, I was being the typical arrogant git and generalizing upon the masses.
and dude, I know more about the craft of writing than you do, at least I don't keep putting dotted lines after everything like so ...
Yup, thats why I don't have anything published under my name, then again, thats a nice assumption you're making. Do you know my real name? Do you know of my previous writing 'credits', heck, did you know I wasn't a cube in real life?
As it stands if I'm going to submit a manuscript for publishing I'm going to make sure it's perfect, no use just rushing crap to a thousand different publishers knowing full well one will pick it up. Yes, I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so long as I'm doing something I have to know I'm doing it 100%.
You know there are a lot of jerks who are good at doing stuff.
Now for something slightly on topic, being descriptive VS being over elaborate is a strange thing. In my opinion being overly elaborate is an easy way to make your writing look mature and cool, I read a lot of stuff like that, but being economical with what you write and still getting a really good message across. It really is like, say, 'In the Lake of the Woods' vs 'The Quiet American'. You'll see the differences and similarities, I personally enjoyed 'The Quiet American' more because it was so damn spot on the bloody point and didn't veer off by being over elaborate to make itself look more mature and noble. There are definitely fewer people who can be compelling using less words than vice versa, which is why they are more special. They are the ones who are truly gifted, the rest, well I don't want to say they suck but they don't reach the same level.
Of course the respective authors creds should be taken into account Tim O'Brian is no match to Graham Greene like Dave here is no match to Andy Griffiths.
Comment by AnthonyB
You have written one hell of a crazy essay. I'm not sure I agree that writing should be systematic or scientific - because some of the greatest writers this world has ever seen have been willing to transcend grammar and sentence syntax. It allows them the freedom of expression and that is why writers have a "poetic license".
I've been known to invent words and play around with meanings to rhyme or consolidate my prose and some people have loved it - some haven't. That's what makes writing unique. Those who want to achieve something truly brilliant can.
Furthermore, I think what you're referring to is almost like getting Microsoft Word to write your novel for you. Your prose may be free of passive sentences, dependent clauses, spelling errors and general untidy writing, but it won't make your stuff any more creative, any more interesting to read and it certainly won't develop a interesting plot. I'm sorry, but writing BASIC or even C cannot be compared to the Arts. It's chalk and cheese.
Thanks for your comments and Andy Griffiths (I thought) was a bit of an awesome writer. Sebastian Faulks is a brilliant writer - one of my favourites. Check out Birdsong.
- Anthony
Comment by Ahmed
techy.Bytes
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Qwerk
Cinema Three
You can be chaotic and systematic simultaneously. We all have a right to do crazy things (you have no idea) but we have to do it right. Not for the sake of crazy. It's basically, be crazy, but be rational about it. It isn't expressive if it makes no sense because it is in fact like spaghetti, it's obsessive.
I'd agree with you, but you really should see how artistic programming is. It might not look it on the cover, but really truly, deep down, it's un-paralleled art. Especially when you have this problem you're trying to solve and you sit on it for hours and hours, it's exactly like trying to think of how you can make a twist ending work in a novel or something, then suddenly it hits you and you write it in and it's the most perfect thing in the whole world to you, like your little baby. It's the exact same satisfaction, I know, because I've been through both.
Comment by Ahmed
techy.Bytes
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Qwerk
Cinema Three
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
Wow haven't you created a maelstrom out of a seemingly innocuous topic! I'm pleased you did the post. I'm struggling myself at the moment. In November last year, I took part in National Novel Writing Month where you have to write a 50,000 word novel in a month. The idea being, just to finish something....even if it's crap.
Unfortunately I only got to about 35,000 words due to work commitments. But man about 30,000 of those words were really shitty!!!! I think David's tips are 100% spot on and I think I'm going to put in a bit of effort to really follow them.
I'll be starting a Masters in Communications/Writing in June (once I get around to putting in the application...hehe) to really work on my writing. So hopefully my writing will improve. If only being a voracious reader helped you to write. I read an enormous amount (probably average 4-5 books a week......one of the upsides to being an insomniac). If reading made you a great writer, I'd have written a booker prize winning novel by now!
Great work as always Anthony.
BTW - I'd love to see a pic of you in a magazine sporting a little beret!!!! lol. I've been practising my Barbara Cartland pose for the book jacket of my 'crappy romance' novel that I will one day finish.
Kylie
Comment by AnthonyB
No, I am surely referring to the children's writer Andy Griffiths. I have heard of Griffith (no s), but haven't consumed of any his work. I do remember munching on a Griffiths book though. Nice, light reading. Of course, I was 12 - probably a litter older than the target audience, but I enjoyed them nonetheless. The whole year level did.
His stuff was pretty basic though and after a few of the short-story style compilations he'd written you got really sick of it.
Still, what a legend to have written a story about hitch-hiking after his parents left on the side of the road. nutter and a half.
Kylie !!
Hello, how are your teeth !!!? I look forward to reading a crappy romantic novel from you one day, but I am sure it will not be crappy. Just as my little beret will not be overly starched for my glossy paper appearance.
Insomniac, hey? I've recently been down that road. Being on the verge of leaving Coles and working hard to get past the trial phase of a new fashion job, sleep has been beyond me. Keep reading, you toothless girl, you !! Welcome to the club, by the way. I am also lacking teeth.
- Anthony