Janet Collins
Billy MA fresh start, a celebration to remember
February 27th 2007 04:57
This is the beginning of a series of tales I've decided to write. It's a way of sharing my actual experiences and perspective through fictional characters in fictional settings. Hope you like it.
Tommy whipped his phone out of his pocket, the electric blue display in stark contrast to the dimly lit train station. James is ringing.. James?
"Hello?" He answered the call, tentatively.
"Heeeyyy mate! What's goin'..." came the slurred, awkward reply.
"Uh.. hey. Nothing much, man. How about yourself?"
His mind raced, who the hell was this? Tommy glanced round and shot a wry look to an imaginary audience. If someone were watching, it would have been hysterical.
"Mum's in the Royal Melbourne. I was in an accident" The voice didn't sound any more sober, just calmed from a bout of instant depression; but the sunken voice had reached familiarity.
"I'm sorry to hear that, bro." Heartfelt, apologetic, but a part of Tommy wanted to hang up. It is an awkward conversation to be having.
"Yeah, and my car's fucked, man! I loved that car. Remember, man, when we drove to Torquay? Man you loved that car."
"I did man. it was a great car... Fuck... I can't believe it's gone. Just can't believe it.".
"Yeah, and mum's in hospital. In the fucking Royal Melbourne."
I loved that car. The words rang long after the conversation had died. What car? Tommy had ridden in plenty of cars, none of which belonged to James. He'd even been in a truck or two. More buses than he cared to remember. Trams galore. But his work mate's mother had been in an accident. A worthless, mid-90's Ford or Holden sent for scrap metal, with memories and broken dreams invaluable, innumerable.
Still, Tommy sat, thought and mused in a 12:30AM train bound for Melbourne's CBD; his mind belonging to a lively bar with felt walls and happy faces. After all, it's New Year's Day.
*** **** ***
Tommy whipped his phone out of his pocket, the electric blue display in stark contrast to the dimly lit train station. James is ringing.. James?
"Hello?" He answered the call, tentatively.
"Heeeyyy mate! What's goin'..." came the slurred, awkward reply.
"Uh.. hey. Nothing much, man. How about yourself?"
"Mum's in the Royal Melbourne. I was in an accident" The voice didn't sound any more sober, just calmed from a bout of instant depression; but the sunken voice had reached familiarity.
"I'm sorry to hear that, bro." Heartfelt, apologetic, but a part of Tommy wanted to hang up. It is an awkward conversation to be having.
"Yeah, and my car's fucked, man! I loved that car. Remember, man, when we drove to Torquay? Man you loved that car."
"I did man. it was a great car... Fuck... I can't believe it's gone. Just can't believe it.".
"Yeah, and mum's in hospital. In the fucking Royal Melbourne."
***
I loved that car. The words rang long after the conversation had died. What car? Tommy had ridden in plenty of cars, none of which belonged to James. He'd even been in a truck or two. More buses than he cared to remember. Trams galore. But his work mate's mother had been in an accident. A worthless, mid-90's Ford or Holden sent for scrap metal, with memories and broken dreams invaluable, innumerable.
Still, Tommy sat, thought and mused in a 12:30AM train bound for Melbourne's CBD; his mind belonging to a lively bar with felt walls and happy faces. After all, it's New Year's Day.
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Comment by Wendi
Tommy glanced round and shot a wry look to an imaginary audience. If someone were watching, it would have been hysterical.
and this part:
his mind belonging to a lively bar with felt walls and happy faces. After all, it's New Year's Day.
I think these are great examples of "show, don't tell" in writing.
W
Comment by Wendi
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by AnthonyB
Wendy, thank you for the lovely compliments. I try to make my writing as exciting as possible. Hopefully I'll have a more interesting scenario to write about this time.
Mrs M, I hope it is fun !! I'm enjoying it at the moment.
Thanks for the comments !
- Anthony